


the lifecycle of stars

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi pov, Breakup Fic, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Post Timeskip, no beta we die like men, there's closure at the end because i'm still a sap at heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	the lifecycle of stars

When stars are born it's bright and blinding, an iridescent condensation of heat emitting from what seems like nothing. They’re born from gases that gravitate and pull towards each other as they spin, and spin, and they keep spinning until they’re interrupted by a nuclear fusion, they stabilize, they emit their own light, they become a star.

Akaashi Keiji was in middle school, when he first learned how stars were formed.

It was also then when he first encountered a star himself, when he got dragged to the high school tournament by his former teammates, when he made the conscious decision to attend Fukurodani over Suzumeoka.

He didn’t particularly like or dislike volleyball, but he decided that he liked the way Bokuto-san shined when he managed a good spike, he liked how hard Bokuto-san tried to get him to smile or let out even a fraction of a laugh, he liked it when Bokuto-san chose him of all people to practice with.

He especially liked the way Bokuto-san kissed him, soft warm lips fitting perfectly with his own.

Everything that followed felt like solar wind emanating from the sun — free and unbound to the giant star’s gravitational pull, and a sight to behold by the simple human beings placed in the safety of the earth. Their light shone pink, sometimes red, or green, or yellow, or purple, or blue, but always vivid and captivating.

•

The lifecycle of a star is said to be inversely proportional to its mass. They often die after millions of years of orbiting through the milky way, billions, if they’re lucky enough not to be weighed down by their own mass of dust and clouds of gas.

The largest stars, although they shine the brightest, suffer the worst fates — they burn through their lifespan like matchsticks, the fire rages on drawing it closer to its end. It’s only a matter of time until their own weight becomes too much to bear.

Feelings of doubt had been plaguing Keiji for months now. The sun’s afternoon warmth radiating through his apartment window only taunts him as he scrolls through emails from clients and office colleagues, website subscription ads littered in between them. He feels a headache coming on and rubs the eyes behind his glasses. He sees stars.

He decides to check his phone for messages and sees one from this morning.

**Koutarou Bokuto**

7:43 am

_Good Morning Keiji!!! ^__^ We’re about to start practice but call me when you wake up! I miss you!!!!! ( ˘ ³˘) <3_

Ah right, he forgot to reply this morning. He wonders what would be an appropriate response at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. He wonders too, if Koutarou would accept the same excuse a third time this week.

•

When a star dies it collapses by its own gravity, unseen by human eyes, witnessed only by the lifeless nebula that surrounds it, the overwhelming cold and emptiness of space. A burst of heat, an explosion, and nothing else follows-

They’ve been on the phone for at least half an hour when Koutarou brings up their game against the Tachibana Red Falcons.

“I think I have a meeting scheduled with some clients that day. I’ll try to make it, but I’m not sure if I can.” Words laced heavy with guilt, as he muses away at his laptop.

He adds, “I’m really sorry Kou.”

“That’s alright Keiji. I just wanted to make sure.” he responds, not a hint of surprise nor disappointment in his voice.

A beat of silence.

He perks up and mentions “Tsum-tsum’s excited about getting to play against Aran-kun again. His serves this morning were really something!”

“Mmmm that’s nice.” Keiji was only half listening at this point, distracted by an article on how to properly take care of dracena. He makes a mental note to water his plants by the window when he wakes up.

“Are you busy right now? We could just talk again tomorrow.”

“Not busy. I'm just reading something.”

“Right.” There’s a heavy pause.

The mood’s shifted, he knows this.

“I might tuck in early tonight, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow? We could FaceTime too if you want.”

Keiji wants to protest, wants to say “We could do that now.” or “I want to talk to you more.” but he knows it’s a lie, knows that they’ve both run out of things to say for the night, and that this was Koutarou’s kind way of telling him that their conversation was over.

So instead he responds with a simple “Okay.” and an obligatory “I love you.” and after he receives the same formalities, he drops the call.

They both fall asleep hours later, feeling burned out and empty.

•

The lifecycle of a star is said to be inversely proportional to its mass, and the largest and brightest stars are said to suffer the worst fates. The moment is painfully abrupt, yet no existing force is strong enough to go against the laws of the world they inhabit.

To them there was no question as to why things turned out the way they did, there was no other way that this would’ve ended.

The discussion was plain and simple, done over a home cooked meal at his own tokyo apartment, albeit this time without the warmth and familiarity of what they once called home.

It had been the first time in months since Koutarou last visited him, and for a while it will be his last.

After Bokuto leaves, Keiji begins to pile the dishes and cutlery over the kitchen sink. He tries to recall what was said and what was done, but all he could remember was how for the first time in months they were finally honest with each other.

Prickly tears start to form around his eyes as he scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed his cookware and tableware and every other surface marked with Bokuto’s handprint until everything felt brand new.

•

When a star dies it collapses by its own gravity, unseen by human eyes, witnessed only by the lifeless nebula that surrounds it, the overwhelming cold and emptiness of space. A burst of heat, an explosion, but perhaps there’s something more to it.

Everything felt so easy when they were together. Easy to make each other smile, easy to agree on where to go for their dates, easy to forgive each other’s missteps and shortcomings, easy to forget why they were even together in the first place.

How easy it was to forget that they were best friends before they became anything else.

So when their old Fukurodani teammates had all agreed on dinner with their former captain after one of his games, Keiji couldn’t deny them.

The feeling of dread and nuanced recovery after almost a year of absence from each other’s lives stirred up inside him and lingered throughout the evening, yet when his blue eyes met gold he there was no stopping the curt smile that had molded his face nor the familiar weight of a hand pressed flat on his back.

“Akaashi! You came this time!!!” a genuine lilt to his voice accompanied his wide smile.

“Of course Bokuto-san,” He let himself be bold. “I’ve missed my best friend.”

“AKAASHI!!!!!!” Bokuto let out, a hand dramatically placed over his chest.

Keiji let out a laugh bearing teeth and crinkly eyes.

•

When a star dies its core heats up to a billion degrees, sometimes strong enough to produce a supernova, an explosion so intense, its shock waves cause other stars in nearby interstellar clouds to form.


End file.
